Boys will be Boys

I knew it would happen sooner or later...I was just hoping it would be later. 

I received a call from the sitter today saying I needed to come and check out Kale, that he had fallen while riding a toy car and wasn't acting right, something was wrong with his arm. Liam and I went to investigate and called the doctor on the way. When we got there he wouldn't move his arm and was very quiet and would cry if I attempted to touch his arm. We climbed into the car (it was no small feat getting him into his car seat) and headed to the doctor. Once there, we got x-rays and got sent to an orthopedic who confirmed our suspicions. . . Kale had a broken bone--his elbow. I didn't even know you could break your elbow, but apparently you can. Kale is in a cast and a sling. Kris and Kale are currently on a mission to find clothing that will fit over his cast. 

A good man is hard to find--but Kale did his chores even with his broken arm. He is a tough little guy and didn't cry all that much even though we knew he was in a ton of pain.

It is so hard to see your child hurting and know that there is nothing you can do to help. They took multiple x-rays for which Kris had to hold Kale down . It just doesn't seem fair!

I have a feeling with this active little guy we may have more broken bones in the future!

25 Rules for Moms with Sons

I stole this from another mom's blog (http://studerteam.blogspot.com/2011/11/25-rules-for-mothers-of-sons.html). It is rather lengthy, but I absolutely love it!

1. Teach him the words for how he feels.
Your son will scream out of frustration and hide out of embarrassment.  He'll cry from fear and bite out of excitement.  Let his body move by the emotion, but also explain to him what the emotion is and the appropriate response to that emotion for future reference.  Point out other people who are feeling the same thing and compare how they are showing that emotion.  Talk him through your emotions so that someday when he is grown, he will know the difference between angry and embarrassed; between disappointment and grief.

2. Be a cheerleader for his life
There is no doubt that you are the loudest person in the stands at his t-ball games.  There is no doubt that he will tell you to "stop, mom" when you sing along to his garage band's lyrics.  There is no doubt that he will get red-faced when you show his prom date his pictures from boy scouts.  There is no doubt that he is not telling his prom date about your blog where you've been bragging about his life from his first time on the potty to the citizenship award he won in ninth grade.  He will tell you to stop.  He will say he's embarrassed.  But he will know that there is at least one person that is always rooting for him.

3. Teach him how to do laundry
..and load the dishwasher, and iron a shirt.  He may not always choose to do it.  He may not ever have to do it.  But someday his wife will thank you.

4. Read to him and read with him.
Emilie Buchwald said, "Children become readers on the laps of their parents."  Offer your son the opportunity to learn new things, believe in pretend places, and imagine bigger possibilities through books.  Let him see you reading...reading the paper, reading novels, reading magazine articles. 

5. Encourage him to dance.
Dance, rhythm, and music are cultural universals.  No matter where you go, no matter who you meet - they have some form of the three.  It doesn't have to be good.  Just encourage your son that when he feels it, it's perfectly fine to go ahead and bust a move.

6. Make sure he has examples of good men who are powerful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity.

7. Make sure he has examples of women who are beautiful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity.

8. Be an example of a beautiful woman with brains, determination, and integrity.

S

9. Teach him to have manners
because its nice.  and it will make the world a little better of a place.

10. Give him something to believe in
Because someday he will be afraid, or nervous, or heartbroken, or lost, or just need you, and you won't be able to be there.  Give him something to turn to when it feels like he is alone, so that he knows that he will never be alone; never, never, never.

11. Teach him that there are times when you need to be gentle
like with babies, and flowers, and animals, and other people's feelings.

12. Let him ruin his clothes...and destroy your house ( I struggle the most with this one.)
Resolve to be cool about dirty and ruined clothes.  You'll be fighting a losing battle if you get upset every time he ruins another piece of clothing. Don't waste your energy being angry about something inevitable.  Boys tend to learn by destroying, jumping, spilling, falling, and making impossible messes.  Dirty, ruined clothes are just par for the course.

13. Learn how to throw a football
or how to use a hockey stick, or read music, or draw panda bears (or in my case alpacas), or the names of different train engines, or learn to speak Elvish, or recognize the difference between Gryffindor and Slytherin, or the lyrics to his favorite song.  Be in his life, not as an observer but as an active participant.

14. Go outside with him
turn off the television, unplug the video games, put your cellphone on the charger, even put your camera away.  Just go outside and follow him around.  Watch his face, explore his world, and let him ask questions.  It's like magic.

***When I first found out we were having a boy, my first reaction was, "What am I going to do with a boy!!!" I don't like sports, outside, action movies, etc. But as I have discovered, you learn to like these things because your sons do. 

15. Let him lose
Losing sucks.  Everybody isn't always a winner.  Even if you want to say, "You're a winner because you tried," don't.  He doesn't feel like a winner, he feels sad and crappy and disappointed.  And that's a good thing, because sometimes life also sucks, no matter how hard (as moms) we try to make it not suck for our kids.  This practice will do him good later when he loses again (and again, and again, and again, and again.....)  Instead make sure he understands that - sometimes you win - sometimes you lose.  But that doesn't mean you ever give up.

16. Give him opportunities to help others
There is a big difference in giving someone the opportunity to help and forcing someone to help.  Giving the opportunity lights a flame in the heart and once the help is done the flame shines brighter and asks for more opportunities.  Be an example of helping others in your own actions and the way your family helps each other and helps others together. 

17. Remind him that practice makes perfect.
This doesn't just apply to performance-based activities (like sports and music) but also applies to everything in life.  You become a better writer by writing.  You become a better listener by listening.  You become better speaker by speaking.  Show your son this when he is just young enough to understand (that means from birth, folks - they are making sense of the world as soon as they arrive), practice trick-or-treating at your own front door before the real thing.  Practice how you will walk through airport security before a trip.  Practice how you order your own food from the fast food cashier.  Practice, practice, practice.

18. Answer him when he asks, "Why?"
Answer him, or search for the answer together.  Show him the places to look for the answers (like his dad, or grandparents, or his aunts/uncles, or his books, or valid internet searches).  Pose the question to him so he can begin thinking about answers himself.  Someday, when he needs to ask questions he's too embarrassed to ask you - he'll know where to go to find the right answers.

19. Always carry band-aids and wipes on you.
especially the wipes.

20. Let his dad teach him how to do things
...without interrupting about how to do it the 'right way.'  If you let his dad show and teach and discover with your son while he is growing up, some day down the road (after a short period of your son believing his dad knows nothing), he will come to the realization that his dad knows everything.  You will always be his mother, but in his grown-up man heart and mind, his dad will know the answers.  And this will be how, when your son is too busy with life to call and chat with his mom,  you will stay connected to what is happening in his life.  Because he will call his dad for answers, and his dad will secretly come and ask you.

21. Give him something to release his energy
drums, a pen, a punching bag, wide open space, water, a dog.  Give him something to go crazy with - or he will use your stuff.  and then you'll be sorry.

22. Build him forts
Forts have the ability to make everyday normal stuff into magic.  Throw the couch cushions, a couple blankets, and some clothespins and you can transform your living room into the cave of wonders.  For the rest of his life, he'll be grateful to know that everyday normal stuff has the potential to be magical.

23. Take him to new places
Because it will make his brain and his heart open up wider, and the ideas and questions and memories will rush in.

24. Kiss him
Any mother of sons will tell you that little boys are so loving and sweet.  They can be harsh and wild and destructive during most of the day.  But there are these moments when they are so kind and sensitive and tender.  So much so that it can cause you to look around at the inward, reserved grown men in your life and think, 'what happens in between that made you lose that?'  Let's try to stop the cycle by kissing them when they're loving and kissing them even more when they're wild.  Kissing them when they're 2 months and kissing them when they're 16 years old.  You're the mom - you can go ahead and kiss him no matter how big he gets - and make sure he knows it.   p.s. (this one is just as important for dad's too).

25. Be home base
You are home to him.  When he learns to walk, he will wobble a few feet away from you and then come back, then wobble away a little farther and then come back.  When he tries something new, he will look for your proud smile.  When he learns to read, he will repeat the same book to you twenty times in a row, because you're the only one who will listen that many times.  When he plays his sport, he will search for your face in the stands.  When he is sick, he will call you.  When he really messes up, he will call you.  When he is grown and strong and tough and big and he feels like crying, he will come to you; because a man can cry in front of his mother without feeling self-conscious.  Even when he grows up and has a new woman in his life and gets a new home, you are still his mother; home base, the ever constant, like the sun.  Know that in your heart and everything else will fall into place.

Having Two is Hard!

One of the things that people forget to tell you about being parents is that while two kids are double the joy, they are also double the work. One thing Kris and I have discovered this week is that having two is just plain hard work! One of them is always crying...if Kale starts, then Liam does too and vice versa. It's like sympathy crying. Kale is really struggling with adjusting to having a brother. We try to pay just as much attention to him, but he absolutely throws wild fits if one of us picks up Liam. Kris picked Liam up from his car seat today and as he walked away, Kale could be seen pummeling the empty car seat with kicks and punches...a little scary. Hopefully this is something he will get over. Other than the tough adjustment, we have had major sickness in our household. Kale came down with strep on Friday, I contracted some time of stomach bug on Saturday, which left Kris fending for all of us on Sunday. As a result of all this sickness, no one has been sleeping, like at all, at night. The pure exhaustion phase has set in.

I saw a quote one of my sweet friends put on her blog that helped put things into perspective. "The days are long, but the years are short." This has become my mantra of late. This is what I try to remember when the house is a mess (if you know me, you know I am "slightly" OCD about having a neat house.), both kids are crying, and I am exhausted. I take a deep breath and think of that song, it won't be like this for long. As I am rocking my sweet baby to sleep at 2 a.m., I remember that time passes quickly and that in just a matter of months, he will not wake up and want to be rocked to sleep. So when the days seem long (the nights even longer), I remember that the years are short and my sweet little men will be big men before I know it. So if you have a baby and a toddler running around the house, as many of my friends do right now, post this quote on your bathroom mirrors and next to your fridge, "The days are long, but the years are short." It really does help to remind one of what's really important.

1 Month Old!

It's hard to believe that Liam turned 1 month old yesterday. I am going to try to take pictures each month on the day he was born so I can track how much he has grown. He is still eating like a champ. Kris got back in town from Canada yesterday and kept commenting on how "huge" Liam looked. He completely fills out 3 month clothing and is well on his way to wearing 6 month clothes already. It's truly amazing how quickly babies grow in the beginning--it seems almost painful. I guess that's why they do all that sleeping.

In other news, we made it through the week with just mom and boys. Kale did manage to come down with strep throat during that time. (Like I said in my previous post...it's Murphy's Law of Parenting.) However, Kris got in town just in time to take Kale to the doctor. I am thankful for my husband!

Sleeping Baby

Aunt Missy took these pictures while she was here. Liam looks very greasy in this picture...he had aquaphor all over his face. He has been peeling like crazy so I have been slathering the lotion on! 

Liam has this shirt that says "lil brother Liam" and Kale has one that says "big brother Kale". I failed to get a picture of the two of them together. 

We have had lots of family at our house over the past month. Yesterday was the first day Kris and I were solo parents without help from family, and today, Kris left for Canada. So, I am home with both boys by myself until Friday afternoon. I have been very nervous about this. Kale has been having a very hard time transitioning to life with Liam, so I was really afraid this week would be filled with tears, however, so far so good! 1 day down, 3 more to go. Kale went to the sitter this morning and Liam has slept basically all day (what's new). When Kale got home from the sitter, he was very sweet to Liam. No one threw any fits and I don't think any tears were shed. Keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer for me. Hopefully we will make it until Friday!

New Year's Eve

For New Year's Eve, Kris, Missy, and I went out on the town. Grandma and grandpa Helling stayed home with the boys. 

We went to have sushi for dinner and it was delicious! I love sushi and have missed eating it the past several months. 

After dinner, we went downtown to have a few drinks. Kris and I agreed we are getting old because we sorely misjudged the number of people who were at the bars. We couldn't even get into many of them. 

We had a great time ringing in 2012 together and it was nice to have a night out. Kris' mom kept Liam in her room that night so Kris and I could get a full night's sleep. Kale had other plans though. He had an upset stomach in the middle of the night and didn't sleep well at all, plus he was up earlier than usual. It's Murphy's Law though--when you have children--if it can go wrong, it will! 

Christmas #2

Kris' parents and sister came to visit us and meet Liam. They arrived on the 27th, so we had our second Christmas with them! Once again, we had too many presents and ate too much food! Kale and Liam got lots of great presents from our family members in Iowa. 

Kale received lots of color wonder art supplies. (These are wonderful if you have toddlers, so they can paint, use markers, etc, and the color only shows on special paper. 

Missy, Marilyn, and I went to get our toenails done one afternoon.

On the 30th, Iowa State and University of Iowa played in bowl games, so we made lots of food and watched the games. Well...Kris and I mainly chased after children, but Kris did attempt to watch the game. 

My boys in their Iowa gear. 

Grandma Marilyn dressed in her Iowa gear too. 

I don't own any Iowa State attire, so I wore yellow in support (It was the best I could do.) 

My brother bought Liam this six-pack shirt. He looks hilarious in it!

Kale had a bit of a mishap with the marshmallows. He did attempt to clean up after himself though!